February 2012
32 posts
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"Bare All To Me !!!"
Tonetta in full on seduction mode. The exclamation points in the title seem excessive for a song that’s more cooed than sung. This is obviously an older one from the vault. The image that the though of Tonetta’s vault always conjures up is one of those diagrams of icebergs that shows 10% above water then the massive unseen 90% below it. I was going to post that but found this...
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The Tonetta Tribute Project →
Interested in contributing? Check out the forum.
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"Public Play !!!"
“You can play with the public but you ain’t gonna play with me,” Tonetta reminds his unnamed antagonist throughout today’s track. Who is the mystery person he’s speaking to? The next line, “My dick is off-limits to everyone else but she,” might lead you to think he’s rebuffing some sort of wannabe sexual partner. I think we’re still in...
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"Baby Doll"
Tonetta needs to add this to his (hypothetical) Netflix queue. 3/5
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"Loads Of You"
“I just love bathing in a shit-load of you.” I think Hallmark can send their V-Day card authors home early today. 4/5
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"You Are All I See"
A Beatles-esque chorus and mentions of ‘Lucy’ - is this a love song, a drug anthem, or an homage? My writer’s block says you should decide on your own. 3/5
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Dominate EP
A new digital release available at Bandcamp.
Tracklist:
1. Dominate 2. Doin’ A Dyke 3. The Big Bang 4. Seduction 5. Outer Glory
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GKB Mailbag!
OK everyone, if we don’t start getting emails from the rest of you we may have to change this section to Dzmitry’s Corner and be done with it.
Hey!
Got my birthday song, at first i thought it was “Party Time”, but now a new one called “D-Mee-Tree” came out. And let me tell you, it’s awesome.
I also noticed that the btp link on Tonetta’s channel...
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Recombinant Corps
thecuntoftheminotaur:
Existing between two states unable to fully assume one or the other. This is liminality. I’m also wondering if this is TONETTA.
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"2 Bessy Happy Birthday !! 2- 17"
It’s Bessy’s birthday and this is her song. It’s not original, but if someone was going to sing me happy birthday I’d be pretty thrilled if it was to the tune of “81 In Prime Ass”. Who is Bessy, anyway? We don’t know, and apparently Tonetta only knows her through Jim. Who Jim is doesn’t really matter since it’s not his birthday.
...
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"WW-3"
Bring it on, Iran. Tonetta is ready. While the American pansy-ass liberals may threaten to run to Canada, Tonetta’s gonna hop the board to come fight on god’s side.
Yes, of course he’s being sarcastic. He’s decided if he can’t beat ‘em, he might as well join ‘em. The enemies of America have limited choices too: die, or run and hide. This is how...
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"The Great Date"
Is Tonetta finally in the market for a new relationship? If so, it’s not going well so far. He left this comment on the vid’s page: “to lucy with all my heart ta ta 777 tonetta !!!”. If Lucy is the woman from the song, then this comment is rather facetious. She turned down Tonetta’s advances due to his advanced age.
Hopefully this setback doesn’t...
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"Sweetheart !!!"
Happy Valentine’s Day from Tonetta. You might disagree with Tonetta. You might think it’s a bad idea to announce matrimonial intentions at the beginning of a relationship. You’re might be a pussy too.
I’m just gonna leave this video here…might be of interest to someone. 3/5
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"A Real Hunk"
Tonetta’s wildest dreams come true when he finally gets to party with a 14” black cock. Now, I really don’t know the racial politics of desiring ‘big black cock’, but I assume that if a person sincerely wants one, then I think the PC police will give you a pass. If you’re saying your imaginary creation wants one, then I’m not so sure. Anyway,...
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GKB Mailbag!
Another note from Dzmitry:
Hey Recently you mentioned that Tonetta seems to be using the internet more and that is certainly true. Recently, when he was uploading videos i messaged him saying hi, and requested him to do a b-day song for me for feb. 28th. He replied (!!!) saying that although he is busy, he’ll try to do a song and that his birthday is on feb 17. And sure enough, a few days...
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"Caught In The Act"
Breakups are rough and it’s pretty rare that anyone feels victorious coming out of one. In “Caught In The Act”, Tonetta does just that. It’s got to be a fantasy; no one has ever had a breakup this perfect. It’s the kinda thing you daydream about during the troubled final months of a relationship.
‘Hmm…I could go over to my girlfriend’s...
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"Black Book"
“You’re in my black book, you goddamn fuckin’ crook,” sings Tonetta, presumably to Dirk of Black Tent Press in this umpteenth diss track. Two things come to mind:
1) “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” - Bill Shakespeare
2) A Black Book is for names and numbers of people you want to fuck, literally. Tonetta might be happier if his followed the...
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2nd Versions: "Set A Flame", "A Little At A Time",...
First is “Set A Flame” (original here). This seems to be the same track as that we previously reviewed. Apparently Tonetta decided that the Plato’s Retreat look would woo his special someone better than a guitar serenade. 5/5
Next is “A Little At A Time” (original here). Same song, same new look, same as above. Sound quality is a little better on the...
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"The Connection"
Tonetta coyly asks if this song is dedicated “to the one i m in love with ??” in the comments section for “The Connection”. At first listen it seems like your usual Tonetta love song: declarations of devotion, an unaware object of affection, and a slight feeling of resignation in Tonetta’s voice. You get the sense that Tonetta never actually thinks...
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"Goin Down"
Seems like this is turning into ‘Hate on Dirk’ week. At this point there are enough Black Tent Press diss tracks to give them their own subgenre in the Tonetta oeuvre. Like “3 x t” yesterday, “Goin Down” is another catchy track that can’t be ignored despite the lyrical content. It’s not all anti-BTS though; we also get a little snipped of...
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"3 x t"
That’s pronounced ‘Three by T’ and refers to the recently released 777 Vol. III. Same as “Growing Pains”, this is another anti-BTP track. He cuts his Dirk trash-talk by half and instead uses that space to alert the masses that he’s currently sans-management. Anyone up for the challenge?
As already stated, we wish to remain neutral in this feud, but...
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"Growing Pains"
Another Dirk/Black Tent Press diss track. You should know our opinions on the disagreement already, so no need to re-examine burned bridges here. Sometimes it feels like we’re continuing to watch a reality show long after our favorite character was kicked off. 3/5
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"That Poor Puppy"
“Most people shouldn’t have kids, and you shouldn’t have a dog.” Truer words never sung. Tonetta continues to admonish from afar, but I doubt anyone expects his words to do any good for the abused puppy. The only person this is helping is Tonetta himself. Don’t misunderstand, I’m not calling Tonetta hypocritical or insincere in any way. Every day...
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"Heartlock"
Tonetta, always the paradox, is an internet phenomenon but doesn’t have a computer and doesn’t even post his own videos. Or has that changed? His song titles are becoming more ‘Tonetta-fied’ with multiple exclamation points and even more adventurous spelling. Plus we see him favoriting and commenting from his channel more often than before. It appears our internet...
January 2012
40 posts
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GKB Mailbag!
This just in:
hi there, i just wanted to say that your site is a tremendous resource and we’re all better for it. I know being a webmaster can be a thankless task, but rest assured knowing you’ve got devoted appreciative readers out there. as long as you’re willing to keep it up, you’ll have a dedicated group of Tonetta diehards who get a genuine thrill each time a new...
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"Meat Beat"
Mick, Keith, Ron, Charlie - you can finally stop looking. THIS is the Tonetta song the Stones need to cover. Listen to this again and try not to imagine Keith working this riff or the cadence Mick would employ when repeating “beat, beat, beat.”
If Tonetta was just a little less deviant, a little more social, and a little closer to California, he could have a very lucrative...
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GET BENT!: Review: Tonetta - 777 Vol. III →
letsgetbent:
By Joey Genovese
Well folks, hide the vaseline and lock up the kids, because Tonetta is back with another vinyl offering for your lonely perverted hearts. Out on Black Tent Press, 777 Vol. III is his most epic release to date with a double LP’s worth of the filthiest sex-pop you…
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"Playtoy"
“Playtoy” is a standard Tonetta track about a transsexual who revels in her ‘boy toy’ status. It begged the question: is Tonetta transphobic? Not phobic in an ‘I’m afraid of transsexuals’ way, obviously, but is he possibly phobic in the seemingly limited way he views them? As usual, I think the answer is yes and no.
In his music, Tonetta portrays...
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"I'm Gonna Marry A Prostitute" (both versions)
There have been big changes to Tonetta’s YouTube presence since the Black Tent Press fallout, mostly because it now seems that Tonetta himself is administrating at least one of the channels devoted to him, 777tonetta. New and old videos have been appearing at an alarming rate (for us at least), song titles have shown a distinct Tonetta-ness to the spelling and punctuation, and many...
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"That Used Fridge"
Roaches - consider yourselves on notice. Tonetta isn’t taking this infestation lying down. He’s had 16 roach-free years at his place (apartment? work?) and he’ll make it that way again over your dead bodies, literally.
He blames the influx of vermin on the titular fridge, but he never tells us who’s responsible for bringing the used appliance inside or where...
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"The Devil's Wife"
“I make no deals with the devil, only the devil’s wife,” growls Tonetta as he spins in the sluttiest slutty devil costume ever. This is a short, angry ‘id gone wild’ song, not unlike “Big Man With A Gun” by Nine Inch Nails. The man in this case isn’t raping at gunpoint, instead he’s making deals with Satan’s spouse for virginal sex...
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"911 2001"
The true cause of 9/11 will be debated until the end of time. Was it a shadowy cadre of right-wingers and CIA operatives? Was it the Saudi royal family? Was it exactly as described in the 9/11 Commission Report? Tonetta has raised questions about the official account, but not here. Instead he takes a step back, a big one. To Tonetta, our first mistake leading to 9/11 was deciding to fly...
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GKB Mailbag!
Greetings, true believers! You may not have noticed, but there’s a little email link in the upper corner. Send us your letters and we’ll answer ‘em! This just in:
Hello!
Dear GKB reviewer. I would like to thank you greatly for making a comprehensive database of Tonetta’s work. I appreciate it a lot.
I’d like to contribute my own two cents about some of the...
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"That Stuff"
What stuff? The stuff that you put on butts. The stuff you take turns putting on each others butts. The stuff that makes you smell nice. Is it lotion? (No basket jokes.) Is it perfume? If you watched the cold open, you already know the answer.
Ahhh, that’s the stuff.
(I think it’s pee.) 4/5
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"Bubble Gum"
Before I start, I need to apologize about yesterday. Imade some snooty comments likening the recording of “I Like It A Lot” to one of the worst streaming file types ever. Turns out my headphone connector wire is fraying along the base. Whoops. The offending comments have been redacted.
So, “Bubble Gum”. If I had to guess, I’d say this one is fairly...
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"I Like It A Lot"
“I Like It A Lot” sounds like a song from an old nightclub act sped up 1.5x. But to be honest, the song is unimportant, because before it even started, we saw this:
Tony Jeffrey. Is this 20 years ago? Longer? How much has changed? What’s stayed the same? What would his reaction be if he was accosted by “Pressure Zone” Tonetta in one of those...